Not all Supply Flows Equally
by Ryan "Burgo" Burgess

As Father's Day approaches and the awareness that I should be reflecting on my own role as a father strikes me; I keep thinking about the woman who first assisted my entry into fatherhood - my partner, Lauren. 

Yes, the kids made me a father, but she made the kids. See where I'm at? And while I'm busting my gut to be a good dad, do all the 'things' right, be present, raise them strong but sensitive, funny, and fearless, my hat must go off to the woman who holds it all down.

A few drinks in over a dinner party, I'd be the first person to counter-argue that dads do, in fact, also wear a hefty mental load - that gender chores around the house don't exist, everyone does everything and I'm just as busy and tired as Lauren (or any mum, really). But it's more something I'd say to spark a convo - not something I necessarily believe. 

We've recently had our second child, Florence, and even in the chaos of two kids and busy jobs - we're hell-bent on NOT keeping score. I see it in so many friends' relationships and it's toxic. Whilst we don't typically keep a tally, we may give the other a slightly not-so-subtle push to get off their phone (or bum) and chip in.  

Since I'd say we've got equal job-share in our household, I always felt a certain level of guilt around Lauren having to be the sole milk provider to our newborns. The pressure (the constant 'breast is best’ from certain generations), the technique, the flow, the pain, the latch, the supply, the SCREAMING from baby and mum. Guilt that it was all on her.


Every feed. Every time.
As was the pregnancy. As was the internal scan. 
As was the pressure to cook a healthy baby.
As was the delivery.
As was the recovery.
As were the appointments and the poking and prodding.
The list goes on.  

So despite our efforts to keep things even and 'fair'...pregnancy and childbirth is FAR from that. Lauren worked her breasts off to be a ‘good cow' (her words) to Florence. Feeding, pumping, stimulating, cookie eating, Motilium taking - all the things. And as was the case with Sofia, her supply just wasn't playing ball. 

"I saw the frustration, I saw the pain, I saw the effort and I saw the disappointment. Sofia, our HILARIOUS, stubborn,
strong, sassy & smart firstborn is a primarily formula-fed baby - who's more than fine."

So, I was always supportive of whatever choice Lauren wanted to make around feeding. After giving it a solid crack for 4 weeks, we decided to stick with a formula only approach. 

I know Lauren had a bit of guilt around this...I'd assume from my limited knowledge that most mums would love to be able to be the sole milk providers for their babies, pain-free, heavy flows - but it's just not how it works. And that is okay. Ever since Sofia was full, happy and slept well as a baby...I’d always (probably rudely so) tell friends to just give them a big ol’ bottle and feed em! Oh, and I learnt this time around from our incredible paediatrician that fed babies are happy...there’s no real reason for them to be crying if there’s nothing else wrong. 

I digress.

It doesn’t last long once you start telling people that your boobs didn’t work and formula feeding full-time now… ‘oh yeah, I gave up after 30 mins’, ‘I lasted 3 days’, ‘Sally Anne (fake name, real story) was formula fed from 12 days’ - the stories come thick and fast. 

So, you’re not alone. And those kids are fine…healthy and happy. 

In 2026, I see – and it seems – that the dads are sharing the parental loads a lot more equally than the stories you hear from back in the day. So, to the present and devoted dads this Father’s Day - I see you and I salute you. Happy Father’s Day to you. And as they say: behind every good father, is a good wife. 

I mean they’ve never really said that. I’m saying it now because whilst we can all celebrate and appreciate the dads this Father’s Day, I will be celebrating and showing gratitude for my partner...who DOES carry more mental load than me, who does more for the household than me, who takes the bins out when I’ve failed on the 8th ask. I really appreciate you and all you do for us and our babies. You (kinda) made me a dad, and you make me a better dad. 

And while we’re at it, let’s raise a glass to the tired mums that decided to create mumamoo...without you, my partner would be broken. Physically and mentally. Formula feeding has opened a freedom and flexibility in our lives that we’re grateful for. 

If you got this far, kudos to you. I write this in a sleepless foggy haze because our child is addicted to waking up and necking formula like it’s an Olympic sport...Go forth and feed, parents. Whatever your path, you’re raising humans and nurturing life...it ain’t easy and you’re doing great. 

My favourite parenting quote:
'Parenting is only hard for good parents' 

Burgo. X