FEED FEARLESSLY: Scott, Marcus, Obed-Oliver & Bobbi-Beckett

Scott O’Halloran is used to working hard to get what he wants. Not one to shy away from a challenge or advocate loudly for causes close to his heart, he was always going to fulfil his ambition to become a father.

“I dreamt of having a family. I am where I always wanted to be. I just knew I had to be pretty formidable with it,” he says, describing the six-year long journey to parenthood he undertook with his husband, Marcus. 

In February this year they welcomed their twin boys Obed-Oliver and Bobbi-Beckett, born seven weeks premature via their surrogate, Amber, in the United States. 

While what we see and hear of the dad’s day-to-day life with the twins over Scott’s various social media and podcast channels show the highs (the milestones) and some of the lows (the sleep deprivation) - what the public didn’t see was the absolute grit, determination and commitment it took to becoming parents. Not just the huge financial investment - half a million and counting - but the complete dedication to navigating the red tape and various obstacles on the road to parenthood.  

It goes without saying that it’s all been worth it - their boys are now  7 months old and thriving - starting solids, full of smiles and giving the couple more joy than they could have imagined as parents. But the path to this point has been beset with hurdles, starting with the choice in how and where they were going to start their family. 

With surrogacy only legal in Australia altruistically - that is, no other payment made to the surrogate outside medical expenses - the couple looked overseas to create their own unique family.

“I wasn’t comfortable with the fact Marcus and I were going to have to go through a process to be approved by the courts here in Victoria to be parents…Marcus and I were so intentional in wanting to create a family and to have to be approved...we’d have to be approved!!! ” he exclaims in disbelief.

Instead, the couple drew on resources like Growing Families Australia to assist with connecting them to the right international agencies and guiding them through the legal requirements, with even more limitations being a same-sex couple. The process itself is complex and made even more complicated by the pandemic and severity of Melbourne’s lockdowns where the couple are based. 

Scott talks in great detail about their surrogacy journey on the award-winning podcast he shares with his brother Luke, describing how the process of choosing an egg donor highlighted the different personalities and qualities he and Marcus valued. Ultimately they chose an egg donor they were able to connect with on a personal level and were selected as intended parents by their surrogate who was willing to undergo a double-embryo transfer, where one twin is biologically Scott’s and the other is Marcus's. 

When they learned that their surrogate Amber was likely to go into labour nearly 7 weeks early, they made their way to Amarillo, Texas - arriving just in time to meet the boys and begin what would be an intensive month-long stay in the NICU ward. 

Ever the optimist, Scott looks back on the experience appreciatively. 

“Marcus and I now know the universe was looking out for us by delivering the boys prematurely. We were given a masterclass, upto 18 hours a day by a neonatal ward for a month. Staff, nurses, doctors - spent so much time with us on what to do for the next 3 months. What each sound means, how to wipe, how to roll, how to burp - we were given a masterclass in parenting,” he recalls, pausing to reflect.  

“We think we would have been absolutey f*cked if we had been like most traditional [births] where the baby is just given to you and they say you’re outta here, figure it out!” he says incredulously.

During this time in NICU, the dads learned how to feed the boys. As part of the contract with the surrogate, what and how the baby is fed is determined prior - with Amber giving Marcus and Scott the freedom to decide what worked best for their situation. In the NICU ward, they were recommended to start the boys on donor milk from the milk bank.

While the experience was positive, it wasn’t without complication - if not just for the eye watering cost of $9000 USD per baby, per day, which wasn’t outlined to them at the beginning. Like any parent, they simply wanted to do what was best for their boys.

“You go into this parenting journey - especially as two men - going what are we going to feed them, how are we going to feed them, what’s right, what’s wrong?” he says.

The challenge with donor milk can sometimes be quality. While grateful for being able to readily access donor milk, Scott and Marcus were told in the neonatal ward by medical staff that (in the US) they do not know who the donor is and what the donor consumes or lifestyle they have. “It can greatly affect the quality of milk. No lie, a baby can have digestion issues because you are swapping the milk so much…one mother might have consumed a lot of chilli and one mother might have consumed this or that when they were expressing and donating their milk which will affect your baby…it’s just so inconsistent.”

Now back home in Australia, the twins' feeding schedule has been well-documented on Instagram and Tik Tok, with Scott showing followers the huge amount of prep work involved in bottle feeding multiples.   

As they settle into the rhythm of parenthood, one immense decision still awaits them. Through the process of egg donation and retrieval, Scott and Marcus are now tasked with deciding what to do with the 17 embryos that remain on ice in Texas. The fallout over the Supreme Court ruling to overturn Roe vs Wade, eliminating the constitutional protection for abortion and allowing states to set their laws regulating procedure - means that this decision might need to be made soon. 

“What they’re saying - from what I understand - embryos are now being regarded as life from some super conservative politicians and therefore are being pushed to be used, they can no longer sit on ice. So we are now in this questionable period where… you one day may not be able to terminate or destroy our embryos, as they could be regarded as life. That's not yet, but that’s the fear, so we might have to get them [the embryos] out of Texas - we can’t give them away. So we may be forced to use them.” 

While the decision may be made for them, Scott & Marcus are solely focused on being present with the twins and enjoying their first Father’s Day together as a family.

“Like so many primary parents, the emotional trauma is still sitting heavily on me and with me and Marcus. If I really stop and think about what we went through [to have our babies] it’s really emotional and we haven’t had the time to catch our breath and properly heal.”

Whatever the future holds, it’s a safe bet that Scott will navigate it in his trademark style of equal parts sassy, smart and sensitive. With their first national live tour set to start this September, we can look forward to more hilarious insights into parenthood through the lens of Scott and his brother, now known affectionately as ‘Uncle Lukaboy’, or perhaps even a publishing deal.

“I’m going to write a book for parents! And it’s going to be the 10 F*cking Commandments for New Parents. One thing I don’t want and I’ll never give is advice on how to look after your baby or what your baby needs, but what you and your partner need: clear boundaries and great communication.”